Why I Left Homeschooling.....Again

There are so many people out there that homeschool that provide their kids with an amazing experience.  My hat is off to those families.  Having homeschooled for 2 years, and sending them to public school for 2 years, and now coming back home at the start of this year, I feel I saw enough of both worlds to see where we fit. I want to be their mom not their full time teacher.  I want to be the mom who picks them up at the end of the school day with a smile on my face and eagerness to see them.  I want to allow them to grow with my guidance but also making and seeing mistakes on their own.  I want to have them come home and talk to me about their day and feel at peace to be home.  When you are home 24/7 a lot of these things are taken for granted, at least for us.  It felt like I was fighting with them more than I was having quality time with them.  Days melted together.  School was always done.  It was done well and quickly.   But then I would feel like I wasn't doing enough cause we still had so much of the day left with nothing to fill it with.  A lot of free time leads to problems when you have a kid or two that thrive on a schedule.  The problem is I don't necessarily thrive on a "busy work"  schedule, it causes me stress and anxiety. 

My kids have gone back to public school.  I am at peace with my decision.  Over the last four months of homeschooling I have come to realize that my heart and head are not into it anymore.  I gave it a chance and told myself that if I was still in doubt that I would sign them up to start when the kids went back after Christmas break.  At the beginning of December my feelings still hadn't changed.  So I went into the enrollment office and re enrolled them.  

It is all purely selfish.  I am choosing me as a happy mom and individual rather than a stressed out mom.  My homeschooling hat has been hung up.  Homeschooling had always felt unfinished after I sent them back to public school.   I had had a rough year prior and was at the end of my emotional rope when I had made that decision.  Then I sat and wondered if it was really a choice I had made or the circumstances made for me.  I always had the thought that I would bring them back home again.   A month into it this summer and I had my answer already.  It just never felt right.  I tried to convince myself it was, but I was just telling myself lies.  I loose myself in it.  And I like me, when I'm not stressed out and spreading myself too thin.  

                                 

**I must admit that I did cry that morning.  It's been 11 years since I was home by myself, that's an adjustment.